Fiji: Me vs. Beetlejuice Snake, Part Two

EDIT: Don’t remember Part One? It’s okay, I didn’t either! (Really though, I wrote the first part in February. What was that, like six months ago or something? SHEESH)

So let’s review.

Here’s me in Fiji, snorkeling for the first-time ever with the fishes and doin’ the damn thing:

“OMG WISH I COULD BE PART OF YOUR WORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRLD”

And then THIS guy had to come and ruin everything:

“Oh hey, I’m a Banded Sea Krait! I’m gonna eat you so hard!”

And I was all like:

Got it? Great, let’s move on.

So what did I do next, you ask? Did I start flailing and splashing around like a dumb human? Did I punch the sea snake in the face? Or did I faint and drown and now I’m writing this post from Davy Jones’ Locker? (I’ve always wanted to use that in a sentence, and now I have, and I feel great about it).

Well I did none of those things, you non-believers. I’ve watched enough Shark Weeks to know that overtly panicking in a confrontational sea creature situation is probably the worst thing you can do, other than bleeding a lot. That would be like telling Beetlejuice Snake, “Hey, I taste like a KFC Double Down sandwich, but for sea snakes!” Not a good plan.

Believe me, what happened next is just as surprising to me as it will be to you. Upon seeing BS, I froze, took a moment to assess the situation and slowly, very slowly, threw it in reverse and swam away from my foe with the grace of a dolphin. I doubt I even made a ripple as I calmly exited the underwater death-match.

And that, my friends, is why I’m here to tell you this story today without having experienced massive amounts of venom to my dome. If you haven’t caught on, here’s the lesson of the day: If you’re traveling and you encounter a strange and formidable-looking animal in the ocean, keep calm and carry on. Odds are, it wants nothing to do with you and your awkward Homo Sapien self, unless you give it a reason to investigate. So you can freak out and start crying for mom all you want on the inside, but keep it together on the outside, k?

I should totally host a show on the Discovery Channel.

- Alison